Goldenbums

Regular readers may have guessed from my silence that I’ve been staying with my mother for a few days. While I was there she asked me to buy her a strawberry gateau for the freezer. After decades of disdaining ‘bought cake’ she’s succumbed to this particular brand. I haven’t tried it myself, so I don’t know what it tastes like, but the name augurs ill. Yes, that’s right. Arses of Gold. Or Goldenbums. What do you expect for £1.89?

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Milk-snatcher death shock – preview

News has leaked that the British government is planning a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher. I thought you might like to know that I too am planning a post in my good riddance series for the wicked old shite-bag. But you’ll to wait for the big day to see what it says.

Posted in good riddance, margaret thatcher | 3 Comments

The fruit – and peel – of love

From today’s Guardian:

Young Catholics attending World Youth Day celebrations in Sydney may find themselves swamped with offers of free condoms after a court overturned legislation giving police the power to arrest anyone who “annoys” pilgrims.

Annoyed? I’m sure the many thousands of young people who used condoms – and left them to be found – during JP2’s speech at World Youth Day in Rome would have been only too grateful to have had them provided free of charge.

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Vulgarity

Remember Giuliano ‘Tubs’ Ferrara? Obese man wobbling naked along a beach to rescue foetuses? Ex-communist, turned foot-servant/mouthpiece/toe-rag to Craxi (corrupt ex-PM, dead in luxurious Tunisian exile on the run from justice), then Berlusconi (currently rewriting the Italian judiciary system to avoid a similar fate), and now Ratzinger (I say no more). A man whose deepest instinct is to run to the support of the strong. His latest attention-seeking exploit is to ask people to leave bottles of water outside the hospital where a woman called Eluana Englaro has been lying in a vegetative state for the past 17 years. Her father has finally obtained permission to remove the tubes that have been providing the body of Eluana with food and water since a car accident in 1991. You’d have thought a little respect was due to a man prepared to fight for his daughter’s right to die (something she did – to all intents and purposes – almost two decades ago). But you’ve have reckoned without Ferrara. A man for whom one family’s tragedy is another’s photo-op.

Still, it looks as though Tubs – after his mind-boggling failure to win a seat in parliament – has just scored another resounding own goal. At the last count, and despite TV news coverage to the contrary, no more than a dozen bottles of water had been left at the hospital. And most of those were half-litres.

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Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Will Smith… (yawn)

http://www.vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1312919&server=www.vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1
SCIENTOLOGY PROMOTES HATRED AND VIOLENCE AT GAY PRIDE TORONTO – Anonymous from STOPCanadianHATEGROUP on Vimeo.
What is it with these religions? Why can’t they just relax?

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The Last Shadow Puppets: Standing Next to Me

http://www.youtube.com/v/_8YRx47oylM&hl=en&fs=1
Love the suits. Love the dancing. (Love Alex Turner.)

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Two days in London

…actually, one and a half days in London, but they followed the same rough pattern as the two days I spent there last autumn and I’m just so self-referential I couldn’t pass this one up. You can find out what I did last year by clicking here.

This time I went back to London for the launch of the very wonderful Katy Evans-Bush‘s collection of poetry, Me and the Dead. It was a spur of the moment decision, egged on by Ryanair’s extremely cavalier attitude to global warming and my own desire to be surrounded by poets for an hour or so. Believe me, dear reader, I didn’t regret it. (Well, perhaps momentarily, when Ryanair provided synthetic UHT cream for my cardboard bucket of already undrinkable tea and an eye-rolling Polish steward had no idea what sandwiches were available and seemed to regard this as my problem. But hey! 80 Euros…)

Before the launch and after a late lunch with my sister in the Mess – an excellent café in Amhurst Road; I recommend it – I met up with Isobel Dixon (friend, agent, poet) in a smart and colourful place at the back of the BFI called Benugo’s, where we were joined by Henrietta Rose-Innes, who’d won the £10,000 Caine prize for the best short story in English by an African writer the evening before. (You can read the prize-winning story here.) We celebrated with reviving glasses of champagne before heading off to the Royal Festival Hall for a look-in at the London Literary Festival barbecue, where I almost met Rachel Holmes, head of literature at the South Bank Centre, and had some extremely drinkable white wine. This had the advantage over Pimm’s of being immediately available rather than a reward for reaching the head of a shortish queue. After which, we moved on, without Henrietta but with Julia Bird, to Katy’s launch in Covent Garden.

I had a great time. Katy read two poems, with great elegance and authority, from a chair in the corner of the over-crowded downstairs room of Treadwell’s, leaving us wanting more – the only way to be left, in poetry as in much else. I finally met a whole bunch of people I’d previously known only as fellow-bloggers or web acquaintances of one kind or another – Elizabeth Baines, Simon Barraclough, Anne Berkeley, and wasn’t disappointed. I also had the very great pleasure of seeing John Wilkinson again after more than twenty years. And the wine didn’t run out. I’d planned to start reading the book on the 38 as it wound its towards Hackney, but found myself listening to a conversation between a disorderly drunk and a young artist from Liverpool, possibly about god, in which each vied with the other to see how many times they could address the other as man and still maintain something recognisable as argument. Sadly, the number was lower than either of them fully realised.

Wednesday, as those of you who were in London will know, was cold and wet. I had medical reasons, despite this, for wearing shorts (you don’t want to know), although desert boots were, on the whole, an unwise choice, as was my using an umbrella that protected more or less the same amount of me as a wide-brimmed hat. Still, a grand day out it was, as my sister and I moved off once more to the South Bank to see the Cy Twombly show at Tate Modern.

I wouldn’t have missed it for anything, though Twombly’s final ‘status’ remains for me as much a mystery as ever. By which I mean that I’ve never been more impressed by an artist with fewer painterly virtues, and then less impressed by an artist whose painterly ambitions are clearly enormous. The first Dubuffet-influenced stuff struck me as great, perhaps because I worship the ground Dubuffet walked on, while the earlier graffiti works seemed aimless and the sequence produced at Sperlonga – ten miles from where I live – looked vacuous and muddy: I didn’t get the ‘symbolic whiteness’ business mentioned in the pamphlet at all. The darker crusty stuff in the next two rooms was arresting, with its throbbing dicks and scatological references – I found myself wondering if he’d known Pasolini -, but the Bolsena series, ostensibly influenced by Apollo 11, didn’t work at all. I felt that Twombly liked the idea of science, but not the effort involved in doing it. There was the sense of a pastiche of genuine cultural activity, when what he was doing was, basically, winging it by faffing around with formulae that were merely artistic. This carried on into, and informed, the Muybridge stuuff in the next room. My sense is that other artists have done fake science much better than Twombly, although my sister liked these two sequential works very much. She didn’t much like the tributes to Nini Pirandello, on the other hand, which I thought wonderful: restrained, elegiac, hard-won. We agreed though on most of the final work. I remember one critic talking about the falling-off in Twombly’s ouput, but what impressed us most was the sheer energy of the later work. There was a footling quality about the Roman stuff done in the 60s, despite the down-and-dirty aspirations it clearly had. But Hero and Leandro and The Wilder Shores of Love, particularly the former, were grandly ambitious and achieved works by someone who has suddenly become a great colourist, something that’s evident in the Venice series and even more so in the two Four Seasons sequences. The large, brash Bacchus paintings in the final room, where the difference between blood and wine, revelry and madness, is obliterated by the swooping, harrowing scrawl of red, are a great way to end the show.

On the way back, a Ryanair cabin crew member was heard to scream at a passenger. “Stop shouting at me, all right? Stop shouting at me.” It’s the little things that count.

Posted in anne berkeley, art, cy twombly, john wilkinson, katy evans-bush, poem, simon barraclough | Leave a comment

Dear Penis

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More on Helms

Jonathan William wrote a poem for Jesse Helms. Here it is:

POEM BEGINNING WITH FIVE WORDS BY
GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS

glory be to god
for jesse helms jesse
hates fags jesse hates
niggers jesse hates modern
art now that one
thinks about it jesse’s
just like most people
in north carolina and
everywhere else what jesse
likes is beauty and
beauty’s what bites you
on the butt and
don’t leave a hickey
on monday morning we
must be kind to
jesse helms you must
brake for senior republican
senators from north carolina
he has the law
on his sidewinder snake
in the grass that
he is whether he
will brake for us
poets and artsnakes is
another matter thank you
jesus thanks a bunch

and remember to die

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This almond love


My thanks for this to Lally’s Alley (who got it from Terry Winch).

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