Vatican update!

The Vatican has been having a bit of a rough time these past few days. News arrives from Poland that the ‘miracle‘ needed to sanctify GP2 smells a bit fishy, news that has been roundly denied by B16. In 2006, it was claimed that the wandering Pole had cured a French nun of Parkinson’s disease, described by GP2 as ‘another sign of God’s creativity’. Now it looks as though the nun might not even have had Parkinson’s disease, suggesting that the creative one isn’t God, but his earthly representatives. They’ll have to fish around in the tub of other purported wonder cures to see what they can find. Maybe evangelist Benny Hinn has one he can spare, when he’s finished talking to his divorce lawyers and counting his money.


As if this wasn’t enough, tapes have just been published of conversations in which a Vatican chorister (correction: ex-Vatican chorister), a certain Thomas Chinedu Ehiem, known to his friends as ‘Mike’, has been pimping men at the rate of two or three a week for Angelo Balducci, a Gentleman of his Holiness (correction: ex-Gentleman of his Holiness), known to his friends as ‘Brenda’, and deeply implicated in the latest wave of corruption scandals to fail to rock Italy*. Balducci’s tastes are eclectic. Among the men that seem to have been procured by Ehiem are two black Cubans, a RAI dancer and a professional footballer, not to mention assorted seminarians. Still, he doesn’t seem that easy a man to please. Ehiem’s sidekick, Lorenzo Renzi, apparently told one of the lucky hookers to take the Viagra and not to touch the Gentleman’s (correction: ex-Gentleman’s) balls. Fussy! In a possibly related item, the Ratisbonne boys’ choir appears to have been a hotbed of under-age sexual abuse under the direction of B16’s brother, Georg, who ran the show from 1964 to 1993. Now why does the name Georg ring a bell?

And there’s no cake without a small and delectable fruit perched on the top. In this case, the cherry is the news that money squirrelled away by Diego Anemone, one of the leading figures in the Italian Civil Protection corruption scandal and currently enjoying the comforts of a cell not that far from Balducci’s, has been found in the safe of don Evaldo Biasini. (That’s don as in catholic priest, not mafioso. I know, I know…) Something like a million euros was hidden behind a religious painting in the office of the priest, who just happens to be responsible for the financial affairs of an organization called the Congregation of the Missionaries of the Ever-so Precious Blood of Jesus. Where do I start?

* One of these facts about Balducci isn’t true. Guess which!


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